Society

Greece To Destroy Western Civilisation

THE history of Western civilisation is expected to come full circle today when Greece brings it crashing to the ground.

Fat People To Sue Their Own Sofas

FAT people across Britain are to launch a class-action legal case against their own sofas, it emerged last night.

Noisy Welsh Girls Accumulating Money

NOISY Welsh girls are accumulating money at an increasingly terrifying rate, experts warned last night.

Elderly Re-Assert Their Right To Offend

SEVEN out of 10 old people are starting to notice that everyone in the room switches off the second they start talking, according to a new survey.

Stranded Tourists To Be Fired From A Cannon

THOUSANDS of British tourists stranded in Calais will begin their journey home today by climbing into the end of a giant cannon pointed roughly at Kent.

Britain Now Factoring Volcanoes Into Everyday Life

MILLIONS of people across Britain are today beginning the process of incorporating volcanoes into their everyday lives.

'Here Come The Girls' Leads To New Strain Of Harpie

THE song from the Boots adverts has created an unstoppable strain of demented, screeching harpie, experts claimed last night.

Fury Over Padded Bikinis For Pets

ANIMAL rights groups have called for a ban on a new range of provocative padded beachwear for pets.

'I Can't Come Into Work Because Of The Volcano'

THOUSANDS of people across Britain are planning an early start to the weekend today as the Icelandic volcano presented them a fascinating new excuse.

Gay Priests Have Sex With Men, Say Experts

PRIESTS who are gay are 100% more likely to have sex with men rather than boys, experts have claimed.