Society

BUXOM, whorish dummies are set to give some respite to bad-tempered men in clothes shops.

THE history of Western civilisation is expected to come full circle today when Greece brings it crashing to the ground.

FAT people across Britain are to launch a class-action legal case against their own sofas, it emerged last night.

NOISY Welsh girls are accumulating money at an increasingly terrifying rate, experts warned last night.

SEVEN out of 10 old people are starting to notice that everyone in the room switches off the second they start talking, according to a new survey.

THOUSANDS of British tourists stranded in Calais will begin their journey home today by climbing into the end of a giant cannon pointed roughly at Kent.

MILLIONS of people across Britain are today beginning the process of incorporating volcanoes into their everyday lives.

THE song from the Boots adverts has created an unstoppable strain of demented, screeching harpie, experts claimed last night.

ANIMAL rights groups have called for a ban on a new range of provocative padded beachwear for pets.

THOUSANDS of people across Britain are planning an early start to the weekend today as the Icelandic volcano presented them a fascinating new excuse.