Society

ROYAL Mail deliveries are arriving later than ever, and frequently drenched in semen, it was claimed yesterday.

PROTESTANT child molesters last night warned they were becoming the 'forgotten men' of Christian paedophilia.

PUPILS across the UK are to have the absolute screaming bejesus scared out of them on a weekly basis, under changes to the national curriculum.

THE proposed four day national rail strike will force millions of commuters across Britain to make alternative arrangements involving a load of wine, it emerged last night.

EMPLOYERS say they are experiencing positive results after fitting their workers with shock-inducing electric collars.

BRITAIN'S cider drinkers last night greeted the Budget with a glazed expression and a wide, peaceful grin before collapsing into a hedge.

DOCTORS have proposed a network of concentration camps to contain Britain's ghastly poor people.

MEN across Britain continue to be puzzled by the debate over the pros and cons of bouncy girls, it emerged last night.

BRITAIN'S B&Bs could soon be prosecuted for discrimination unless they offer customers the choice of a gay cooked breakfast.

THE majority of the UK workforce do not really know what they are supposed to be doing while they are at the office, according to new research.