Society

A QUIET, middle-aged science fiction and traction engine enthusiast has advertised his virginity for £6 or nearest offer.

NEW fathers are failing to use their legal entitlement to paternity leave because they do not want to spend all day with a noisy shit fountain, according to new research.

THE Gaytrack 400, the gayest-looking boys' bike ever, will help children to gain valuable self-defence skills, the manufactuers have claimed.

BRITISH children should be taught things by trained professionals in some sort of large building, according to a major new report.

LAW firm Carter-Ruck is to send you a letter telling you to shut it right now or they will have your house.

THE government is to pay the unemployed to hang around shopping centres pretending to be clinically insane, it emerged last night.

THE Tories have pledged to raise the age at which you suddenly turn into a racist caravan owner who is unable to drive faster than 38mph in a 60mph zone.

A CONSERVATIVE plan to cut the number of people on incapacity benefit was in tatters today as 500,000 people threw themselves down a staircase.

THERE were renewed calls last night for Britain's ethnic minorities to have their own celebrity dancing competitions.

SOME of Britain's most violent crimes have been caused by Chewits, according to a new study.