Society

GORDON Brown last night added the size of chip shop chips to his list of things to dick about with.

AS prices drop to just £2 per line, cocaine has topped a consumer poll as Britain's best-value street drug.

CHURCH of England vicars will bless gay couples as long as they are allowed to quote Bible passages about them being abominations who must be put to death.

NETWORK problems with the PS3 console have left thousands of level three wizard-knights desperately seeking news from the sacred sky lands of Asgharoth.

MARRYING a woman who shares your hopes and dreams is still nowhere near as good as Predator, according to a new survey.

A LARGE, terrifying dragon is threatening the magical kingdom of massive pensions where no-one ever gets fired.

THE BBC last night defended a new series that hopes to find the best new under 14 pole dancer in Britain.

IMMIGRANT workers have demanded government action after discovering Daily Mail journalists are receiving large salaries for the things they write.

BRITAIN'S internet heritage could be lost forever unless experts are able to archive websites such as hotsurreybitches and oglemysnatch.co.uk.

A SCOTTISH t-shirt expressing dislike of the England football team could cause morons to say things, experts have warned.