Society

BRITAIN'S cider drinkers last night greeted the Budget with a glazed expression and a wide, peaceful grin before collapsing into a hedge.

DOCTORS have proposed a network of concentration camps to contain Britain's ghastly poor people.

MEN across Britain continue to be puzzled by the debate over the pros and cons of bouncy girls, it emerged last night.

BRITAIN'S B&Bs could soon be prosecuted for discrimination unless they offer customers the choice of a gay cooked breakfast.

THE majority of the UK workforce do not really know what they are supposed to be doing while they are at the office, according to new research.

RUB a dub dub, three men in a tub - Which is a perfectly normal domestic arrangement and exactly the same as a mummy and daddy who are married.

MILLIONS of Britons are descended from the bastard offspring of aristocrat-defiled domestic drudges, it was claimed yesterday.

ED Balls has condemned children's commissioner Dr Maggie Atkinson for using her years of professional experience in forming an opinion.

THE horrific, soul-destroying journey you make every morning to the job that makes you want to die will soon cost a record breaking amount of money.

TEENAGE boys are to be given lessons in how to release the vice-like grip on their penises for five minutes and get some sleep.