Society

THE bastard inventors of 'moobs' are working on names for your other fat bits, it has been confirmed.

AN IMMUNITY to caffeine has led to a growing number of office workers switching to crack, according to new research.

GLOUCESTERSHIRE'S 'cheese rollers' have defied a health and safety order to show the world they are still drunken inbred maniacs.

TWO-year degrees would give students insufficient time to grow stupid, pretentious beards it was claimed last night.

THE long-term jobless must stand about in big shops wearing polo shirts, the government has confirmed.

BIRTHS to women over 40 have trebled in the last 20 years as men continue to lower their standards, according to latest figures.

PEOPLE who are even remotely interested in the concept of privacy could not possibly have a Facebook account, it has been confirmed.

LONDON now offers a worse quality of life than some place in Australia for God's sake, it emerged last night.

A FAMILY dog is beginning a prison sentence today after being convicted of raping a hat, a seat cushion and a 32 year-old knee.

MANY ninja school-leavers are unfit for even the least dangerous missions, according to leading UK warlords.