Society

BRITAIN continues to tell the most transparent lies about how much it has had to drink, according to new research.

HOMEOWNERS have just four years to forget everything they may have learned during the financial crisis, experts have warned.

A SPONSORED mass execution of the UK's charity muggers is set to raise more money for good causes than they will ever be able to spend, it emerged last night.

THE war memorial sex woman and her verminous consort are in danger of making sane people think like Daily Mail columnists, it emerged last night.

THE nation's cool teenagers are celebrating their worst GCSE results ever after being too hip to make the slightest effort.

FINDING a parking space is the most challenging aspect of the average working week, according to a new survey.

DRUG abusers are to be renamed 'heroin buffs' in recognition of their in-depth knowledge and appreciation of the world's finest narcotics.

BRITAIN is using state-of-the-art audio visual technology to make itself even more moronic, it was claimed last night.

GAY couples who receive a child from a Catholic adoption agency have vowed to dress it in a studded collar and a little leather cap.

MIDDLE class families face no longer being able to use child benefit to buy wine, it emerged last night.