Society

BRITAIN'S experiment with 24-hour drinking would have succeeded if the country was not filled to the brim with the worst people in the world, it was claimed last night.

FIFTIES-STYLE sexpots with dirty laughs and enormous bangers are ideal role models for young women, according to the government's equalities minister.

GOVERNMENT plans to scrap speed cameras were last night welcomed by middle-aged men who believe themselves to be excellent drivers.

THE GCSE science syllabus is to include ideological indoctrination and extremist violence, Ofsted has confirmed.

A STUNT involving a terrified parachuting donkey left children disappointed by the lack of death, it emerged last night.

SHARING interminable, exaggerated anecdotes about drug experiences should be a criminal offence, it was claimed last night.

A CARDIFF councillor has been suspended after claiming the Earth is round and orbits the sun.

ALL Frenchmen in the UK will have to wear a bucket on their heads or be moved around in a box, the government will confirm today.

A NEW graduate tax will see those bothered to turn up, get a good degree and a lucrative career pay a higher rate than the likes of you.

POUNDLAND is pretty good, human rights campaigners admitted last night.