Society

JOHN Lewis has commissioned Billy Joel to write a beautiful, poignant song about engaged couples and their wedding lists.

BRITAIN'S middle classes are threatening all-out passive-aggression if the government raises tax on all the nice things they like.

THOUSANDS of farmers are using Facebook to play a game where they pretend to work in an office and spend all day doing nothing and talking out of their arse.

OH shit, there's a fucking bee in here, it was confirmed last night.

IMAGES of male beauty in the media are forcing men to make a grudging effort to look half-decent.

NURSERY school children will no longer be allowed to bite chunks out of each under new rules introduced today.

YOUNG would-be homebuyers are still clinging to their nauseatingly rose-tinted hopes and dreams, it was claimed last night.

THE UK's oldest dogging site has been re-opened by the National Trust, with interactive stranger sex displays and cakes.

FOUR out of five people in Britain have named their hire-purchase widescreen television in their will, according to a new study.

BRITAIN finally hurtled beyond the point of no return last night as the political opinions of Simon Cowell were regarded as important.