Society

THE final edition of News of the World has given liberal middle earners a long-awaited opportunity to immerse themselves in red-top squalor, it has emerged.

THE readership of the Mail on Sunday will increase, it is as simple as that, experts warned last night.

QUESTIONS were being raised last night over exactly what kind of person Rupert Murdoch thinks you are.

SATAN worshipping royal bride the Duchess of Cambridge has spoken of her hopes for a progeny that will rule over a dark realm of endless evil.

THE full extent of the online hacking scandal was exposed last night as millions of perfectly normal people found themselves on the same side of an argument as the Guardian.

EVERY family in Britain lives no more than 50 miles from a predatory, News of the World phone beast, it has emerged.

BRITAIN'S five year-olds have dismissed opera as a big gay thing full of benders.

BRITAIN'S already-overstretched Ikea stores cannot cope with a growing population, it was claimed last night.

INDUSTRIAL action by teachers will not undermine pupils' lack of respect for them, it has been confirmed.

AS the country's public servants once again challenge Britain to notice the difference, experts have issued an essential guide to national strike etiquette.