Society

HEADMASTERS of failing primary schools are to be quizzed on what is so difficult about three-piece jigsaws.

CUNNING socialist Bob Crow has successfully completed a daring reconnaisance mission at an exclusive capitalist restaurant.

AS the festival season begins, there are growing concerns the events are increasingly focusing on music instead of gratuitous, ego-driven amateur photography.

STRIKE action by council workers could lead to a redefinition of the concept of movement, it emerged last night.

SCHOOLS in England and Wales will ditch climate change lessons for a greater focus on the two week romances between D-List celebrities.

INDEPENDENT regulator Ofcom has outlined plans to protect the public from the work of cowboy graffiti artists after record complaints about the standard of British vandalism.

LOCAL councils are hoping to tackle rat problems with a series of workshops inviting them to explore their ratness through physical movement.

PATHETIC universities may be allowed to close, threatening the academic careers of people who should never have been there anyway.

BRITAIN'S political and economic systems were working like clockwork last night as old people in the world's fifth richest country cheerfully tossed their food-heat coins.

A MARCH by provocatively-dressed women has been used as a backdrop by an opportunistic deodorant film crew, it has emerged.