Society

BRITAIN'S attractive future queen could generate valuable revenue by offering discreet personal services, experts have claimed.

THE secret to lasting happiness is being left alone by people who think your mood is any of their business, it has emerged.

EVERYTHING in Britain is to be run past a panel of scrunch-faced harridans.

NOTORIOUS rave organisers Spiral Tribe are to stage an extended, royal wedding street party until everyone collapses.

OXFORD University has dismissed accusations of discrimination insisting it has enough black students for a full-scale tribute to Earth, Wind and Fire.

THE slack-jawed offspring of company executives should be paid for the extra tasks they generate during work experience, it has been claimed.

UNIVERSITIES have decided that they would like to make more money rather than less. 

THE promise of a 'flash mob' has lured thousands of annoying people to their timely deaths, it emerged last night.

THE idea that people could do good things without religion is a child's fairy story, Christians have claimed.

MOST people in Britain would prefer not to work a day in their lives, according to new research.