Society

SCORES of disappointed rioters queued up this morning to return goods they had mistakenly looted from Games Workshop.

NEWS International's desire to give money to policemen could offset the effect of government cuts, it has emerged.

NEUROTIC cleaning obsessives have infiltrated the post-riot clean-up campaign, it was claimed last night.

SOCIAL networks will be confined to discussions about decency, values and the glowing satisfaction of a hard day's work.

BRITAIN was last night urged to avoid the schoolboy error of thinking people like Melanie Phillips may have been right all along.

HAVING a gigantic number of policemen on the streets of London does seem to prevent riots, it emerged last night.

MEN are turning to a life of carefree homosexuality to avoid the expense of wives and children, it has emerged.

THE London riots are the inevitable consequence of a society that includes some arseholes who like to steal things instead of working, experts claimed last night.

THOUSANDS of middle class people worried about job security have signed up for a two week course in looting.

CHANGES to the higher education system will turn the majority of British homes into a degree-granting university, it has been confirmed.