Society

LOCAL councils are hoping to tackle rat problems with a series of workshops inviting them to explore their ratness through physical movement.

PATHETIC universities may be allowed to close, threatening the academic careers of people who should never have been there anyway.

BRITAIN'S political and economic systems were working like clockwork last night as old people in the world's fifth richest country cheerfully tossed their food-heat coins.

A MARCH by provocatively-dressed women has been used as a backdrop by an opportunistic deodorant film crew, it has emerged.

MODERN magazines like Nuts lack the unpretentious honesty of Razzle and Knave, according to the prime minister.

READING is turning young people into homosexuals, it emerged last night.

A NEW high-level report on drug policy makes so much sense that people reading it have had to double check they are not off their tits.

THE people who make television programmes have admitted that they are subtly trying to make you continue watching it.

MENTAL health charities have condemned Christie's for allowing someone to pay over £5m for a child's drawing of a slum.

PRIDE of Britain the Daily Mail has today launched a new campaign for more people in the Third World to die in a ditch.