Society

WITH half term looming, Britain's parents are steeling themselves for day trips that will inevitably end with at least one child weeping uncontrollably.

THOUSANDS of young women wearing large-framed glasses are not actually repressed nymphomaniacs, it has been revealed.

THE growing citizens' revolution across the western world is based on a Natalie Portman film that is based on a comic, it has emerged.

A RECORD number of pensioners have been granted places in care homes across Britain, amid claims the entry criteria are easier than ever.

JAZZY, a six-year-old ginger cat, has denied starting the vicious fight which left his black-and-white neighbour Sparks needing three stitches.

IN the midst of social strife Britain's traditions endure as today the country celebrates the Great Annual Sifting of the Teenagers.

THE prime minister has unveiled a radical new concept for social change involving youngsters with neckerchiefs being helpful.

BRITAIN'S festival of righteous indignation has finally resulted in someone being jailed because of tube socks.

BRITAIN has thrown its support behind the unelected jobsworths who watched London burn for three days, it has emerged.

HISTORIAN David Starkey has written to a top London restaurant about its constant use of nihilistic Jamaican patois.