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Richard III to pick up where he left off

THE skeleton of Richard III has vowed to re-boot the Wars of the Roses and slaughter his rivals to the throne.

Prisoners freed from London Dungeon

FORMER inmates of Britain's toughest prison, the London Dungeon, have described being kept in deliberately horror-themed conditions.

Britain could move to a one-day week if everyone stopped dicking around

BRITISH workers could enjoy six days off per week if they could manage a single day of uninterrupted work, it has been claimed.

Being poor 'just keeps getting better'

Customer feedback suggests customers want to be left the f*ck alone

CONSUMERS hate being constantly asked for feedback, according to feedback data.

Bollocks is Britain’s first language

BOLLOCKS has replaced English as the UK's most commonly spoken language, it has emerged.

Broadband customers to pay 'up to' 100% of their bill

FRUSTRATED broadband customers have decided to pay 'up to' all of their bill.

Citizenship test to focus on UK's utterly demented values

A NEW version of the UK citizenship test will be based on the country's warped, mentally-damaged value system, it has emerged.

Keeping customers on hold helps build the fear, says tax chief

I'm great apart from all the humans, says England

ENGLAND believes itself to be a nice place apart from the presence of humans, it has emerged.