Society

RECESSION-HIT Britons have revised their lists of 'things to do before I die' to make them more realistic.

COFFEE has officially replaced cigarettes as Britain's addictive drug of choice, it has emerged.

BRITAIN’S sense of moral indignation has been outsourced to a single man in China, it has emerged.

A SLEDGE has distanced itself from the inevitable injuries to its rider.

DOUBLING the cost of a lottery ticket to £2 represents a tax on idiots, it has been claimed.

BRITAIN should not be too fussy about eating horses, economists have warned.

ALMOST all reported 'workplace sex' occurs solo, it has emerged.

UNRULY abandoned men could become a fixture on the high street as music, technology and DVD shops collapse.

THOUSANDS are leaving Facebook because they want to get back into face-to-face bragging, it has emerged.