Society

BORIS Johnson has assured Londoners that the capital’s fabulously-wealthy travel infrastructure is doing just fine.

THE imaginary Oxbridge that exists only in the heads of people obsessed with going there is the UK's top-ranked university.

ATHLETES with cheap or unfashionable trainers face bullying from their peers in the Olympic Village, it has been claimed.

The Daily Mash presents the story of the Olympics, from its roots in the classical era to becoming a modern-day massive balls up.

LONDON 2012 has announced its first world record after Lord Coe delivered the world's biggest bollocking to his senior management team.

CENSUS researchers are baffled after it emerged that nearly four million more people are choosing to live in Britain than in 2001.

THE government has unveiled a package of annoying bullshit designed to make Britain's rail system the most painful in the world.

UNPAID workers at the Olympic site will be given surface-to-air weapons and asked to look out for anything suspicious, it has been confirmed.

MALE buyers of slip-on plastic shoes will be offered the chance to have their genitals removed at no extra charge, it has emerged.

A BULL has claimed that its species is being victimised for having testicles much larger than those of humans.