SEASONAL television adverts create a false impression that Christmas is enjoyable, it has been confirmed.
Experts believe television commercials depicting harmonious families, train journeys unaffected by snow and women receiving gifts of tasteful underwear deliberately misrepresent the true horror of the festive season.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Only kids, Jesus and idiots like Christmas.
“For normal adults, you’re just in a house with near-strangers, trapped by hostile weather conditions – it’s like the aftermath of nuclear war.
“It’s worth remembering that behind the lavishly-produced story of a lovelorn snowman is a group of people who just want your credit card details.”
Professor Brubaker proposed new advertising guidelines under which the word ‘Christmas’ must always be preceded by the word ‘fucking’.
He said: “Slogans like ‘Fucking Christmas made easy’, Fucking Christmas is coming’ and ‘Fucking Christmas made fabulous’ would allow retailers to sell without creating an unrealistic expectation of universal good will.”
