Society

Aung San Suu Kyi meets Grooverider

BURMESE pro-democracy campaigner Aung San Suu Kyi has met drum and bass DJ Grooverider, whose Radio 1 show helped sustain her while incarcerated.

Prince William desperate for threesome

THE Duke of Cambridge's '30 things to do before you're 30' list gives him less than 24 hours to have a threesome, it has emerged.

Fathers furious at being summoned from shed

FATHERS are demanding an end to Father's Day, after they were forced to leave their gardens to awkwardly receive a token gift.

Some people not into football

A SMALL number of English people are not responding correctly to football, it has emerged.

Camper van creates illusion of freedom

THE purchase of a camper van will not make your life meaningful or free, it has emerged.

88 per cent of 'trolls' actually just f**knuts

MOST people assumed to be internet trolls genuinely believe their hateful, demented statements, it has been claimed.

Church pins hopes on Quasar

THE Church of England has announced that its new core purpose is running 'laser tag' games.

Pub unbearability levels to peak at 5.30pm

ENGLISH pubs will become the worst places in the world later today, it has been claimed.

Increasingly debauched jubilee celebrations enter second week

BRITAIN has been warned to wind down its jubilee partying, with many celebrants now having been seven nights without sleep.

Royals back at their shit office jobs

MEMBERS of the royal family are gutted to be back at their desks after a four-day break, it has emerged.