Society

FIX It badges awarded by Jimmy Savile are to be rounded up, melted down and made into a statue of Britain's favourite, non-threatening children's entertainer.

UNATTENDED cakes have sparked a huge blaze likely to engulf England.

GOVERNMENT experts have delivered a report on drugs policy as a rap over a housey beat.

ALL men alive in the 80s were sordid, creepy perverts, it has emerged.

THE Territorial Army has been renamed to reflect its target demographic.

HOLOCAUST survivors have backed George Carey's claim that he is like a victim of the Nazis because he does not like the gays getting married.

THE average British family is deeply unsettling, according to new research.

IT is still not acceptable to use force against a bank that steals your entire house, ministers have confirmed.

HOME secretary Theresa May is to call for the restoration of the slipper as a deterrent to Britain's young dodgers, perils and minxes.

JESUS has settled the argument on tax avoidance by stating, uncategorically, that it is a good thing.