Society

THE list of who will be the Drunken Bore, the Perv and Crying in the Toilets at the Christmas party has been put on the office noticeboard.

A RESCUE cat has been returned to the animal shelter for his own good, according to the couple who adopted him.

A COMPULSIVE gambler has placed his next bet according to the churning sense of impending doom in his stomach.

ANYONE using faux-medieval phrases like 'Methinks' or 'good Sir' is to be given medieval punishments like the rack and the Iron Maiden.

VEGETARIANS are developing 'pulled' versions of their idea of food.

RACISTS feel it is now socially acceptable to just come straight out with it.

BRITAIN’S sleazy men have confirmed that they are just performing as their amusingly ribald alter egos.

A COMPLETE idiot holds an opinion that is correct entirely due to luck, it has emerged.

AN urban explorer has admitted being strangely fascinated by dull places such as store rooms, telephone exchanges and water pumping stations.

BRITAIN continues to lead the world in noodle rehydration, it has been confirmed.