VEGETARIANS are developing ‘pulled’ versions of their idea of food.
After seeing carnivores reach new peaks of satisfaction with slow-cooked, shredded meat, the vegetarians insisted they could also enjoy eating.
Tom Logan, a vegetarian from London, said: “Like most people I watch adverts for pulled pork or chicken and think, ‘Jesus Christ, that looks amazing’.
“But then I remember I can’t have any because of my stupid fucking values.
“So anyway, I’ve been been working on pulled carrots, yams, celery and cabbage. The yam pulled quite well to begin with, but then slumped as if it had just been made redundant.
“Both the celery and the carrot were unbelievably vile. Oh my god. Meanwhile, the pulled cabbage does have potential, but not as food.”
Logan added: “Last weekend I held a brunch party and showed everyone my version of ‘pulled egg’.
“But one of the vegans went mental and broke my nose with a potato.”