Society

EVERY member of staff at Southeastern Railways only started today and so is, sadly, unable to help you.

YOUR mother deserves a £14,095 five-door Yaris Icon, Toyota has suggested.

PEOPLE across the UK are continuing to sign petitions as if they make any difference to anyone.

BRITAIN is now the sort of place where it is necessary to explain to adults what ‘fracas’ means, it has been confirmed.

THERE is nothing to be gained by adding plant matter to a drink, it has been claimed.

INCREASING numbers of Britain’s race horses are changing their original idiotic names, it has emerged.

ANYONE who does not have a fanatical love of babies is committing a crime, it has been confirmed.

A 26-YEAR-OLD woman has not posted pictures of her body shortly after having a child, inspiring others to be less moronic.

THE UK's last remaining CD tower, capable of holding more than 88 albums, has been destroyed.

GARYS could be wiped out within a generation after it emerged there have been no children named Gary since 1992.