Society

MILLIONS of people are registering to vote so they can scrawl foul mouthed insults across their worthless ballot paper.

CHILDREN are more familiar with Fosters lager than McVities biscuits because they prefer beer to Hobnobs.

THE love lock craze has seen thousands of couples pledging their devotion is as unbreakable as a padlock from Poundstretcher.

LONDONERS who move to the provinces will never fit in because their souls are tainted by the city’s evil aura.

THE requirements for being deemed a ‘legend’ have been raised from buying colleagues a doughnut to overcoming a seemingly invincible adversary.

31-YEAR-OLD Julian Cook does not like cycling, it has been claimed.

PEOPLE who committed crimes while hungry are to be released from prison, it has emerged.

BLOGGERS have claimed that a tree involved in a bus crash was deliberately planted by the government. 

LEADING a dull suburban life with a mortgage and two children is now a phenomenal achievement, everyone has agreed.

MILLIONS of self-absorbed UK residents are concerned that their photos may not be included in a police database.