Society

THE government is to spend almost £600 billion on the four biggest things it could think of.

THE volume of attractive wives needing immediate no-strings sexual encounters is becoming a humanitarian crisis, it has been claimed.

A GRANDMOTHER in Lancashire has begun boiling the vegetables for her Christmas dinner.

LARGE television sets have condemned their media portrayal as icons of consumerist stupidity.

A HUGELY expensive pair of bespoke jeans still resembles those worn by a Top Gear presenter, it has emerged.

ANY real-life situation involving illegal drugs is like something out of Breaking Bad, according to newspaper editors.

A FEARLESS adventurer has stunned friends by venturing overseas with scant regard for lost luggage or flight delays.

A MARRIED couple who have not spoken since 1994 have no idea what they are called, their children confirmed.

CATHEDRAL architects must be vetted so they do not design buildings that look Turkish, UKIP has demanded.

A BLACK Friday shopper has stopped hitting a pensioner in the face so she can take in the atmosphere.