Society

PASSENGERS on turbulent flights are pretending to read the in-flight magazine while inwardly shitting themselves.

NEW research has found that in any situation involving multiple humans one of them will be deliberately uncooperative.

SCOTLAND is capitalising on being the site of the first act of copulation with a new slogan and flag.

A FAMILY’S Waitrose food delivery contained a massive loudmouthed spider with old-fashioned sexist views.

A WAVE of terror-related break-ins have been reported from garden sheds, garages and outhouses around the UK.

A GOVERNMENT minister has urged disabled people to rent out their wheelchairs when they are not sitting in them.

BRITONS have been urged to stop covering their arses when they make a hash of things at work.

ELDERLY men have warned the public not to try making friends with them.

WORKERS over 45 are to be given daily breaks to lose themselves in vivid recollections of the past.

RETIRED people allowed to dip into their pension pots have blown the lot on porcelain figurines.