Society

PEOPLE with big letters strewn around their homes are illiterate morons, it has been confirmed.

RESEARCHERS have definitively proven that children aged 11-16 are in complete command of any bus they are on.

THE UK government has been overthrown by a liberal elite junta headed by Guardian columnist Polly Toynbee.

SHOWING initiative is a waste of time for the person who does it and those who have to live with the consequences.

MIDDLE-AGED couples are legally required to wear matching practical jackets to even the most inappropriate occasions, it has been confirmed.

A NATIONWIDE personality study has found that only 0.4 per cent of the population is not obsessed with sofas and fighting.

THE ruins of a secret Nazi fortress have been discovered in suburban south-east London.

JEREMY Clarkson has become a wild man who talks to rabbits about how magpies are scroungers.

A NEWSPAPER journalist has admitted she will stop at nothing, including murder, to get an uplifting human interest story.

FAMILY properties worth more than £1m in Catford and Peckham have announced they will open to the public at weekends.