Society

A MAN has confirmed he is completely happy in his comfort zone and the chances of him leaving it are zero.

PEOPLE who seemed quite nice are preparing to split up with their partners in surprisingly brutal ways, they have revealed.

NOT changing out of your pyjamas saves vital time for bloody-minded disputes with perceived authority figures, parents have claimed.

HARD-WORKING master bedrooms have spoken out against idle spare bedrooms that do nothing but claim benefits.

FAILURE is always an option despite what they tell you, experts have confirmed.

ASYLUM seekers must make themselves identifiable by humming Gimme Shelter by The Rolling Stones, ministers have confirmed.

AN INSUFFERABLE tit brought his own bowling ball along to the office night-out, it has emerged.

A MAN who has made large holes in his ears is absolutely desperate for your approval.

BRITAIN’S dads are constantly doing unnecessary things to their cars, it has emerged.

ENGLISH Guardian readers are pretending to like Scottish culture, food and drinking habits.