Society

LIBRARIES are never going to make money if they dish out books for free, the government has claimed.

MODERN fathers are just as capable as mothers at getting tediously over-emotional about their babies, they have announced.

UMBRELLA users have announced that everyone else must get out of their way.

A NORTHERNER is convinced that everyone from Southern England is upper class.

BRITAIN’S getting-up time has been altered to prevent the workforce from becoming too happy.

A MOTHER has had her email account hacked for the 14th time this month.

THE only person in Britain who still does Lent is in the midst of a savage chocolate frenzy.

EASTER takes place a week before the end of March because Jesus was crucified very early this year 1,986 years ago.

A COUPLE are inexplicably still on bad terms despite having just had a massive row.

EVERYONE has been urged to just stop and think about what they are going to say.