Society

A MAN who claims he has been ignored by politicians is actually a lazy dipshit who just likes complaining, it has emerged.

THE UK has been reminded that it should never, ever trust anyone named Jeremy. 

A WOMAN who found herself experiencing empathy for George Osborne is questioning her sanity, it has been confirmed.

THE screaming chaos presently engulfing the UK is entirely down to you, experts have confirmed.

A MAN hoping to boast about how Glastonbury Festival changed his life has found that people simply could not give a shit.

THE apple crops are looking much better this year, Leave voters have confirmed.

A FAMILY has decided to treat the referendum result as an overwrought personal drama.

MILLIONS of Britons are furious that they were allowed to vote on leaving the EU, they have announced.

EVERYBODY in the UK would like to know precisely what the actual fuck, it has been confirmed.

THE number of old ladies being helped to cross British streets has plummeted since Friday.