Society

THE apple crops are looking much better this year, Leave voters have confirmed.

A FAMILY has decided to treat the referendum result as an overwrought personal drama.

MILLIONS of Britons are furious that they were allowed to vote on leaving the EU, they have announced.

EVERYBODY in the UK would like to know precisely what the actual fuck, it has been confirmed.

THE number of old ladies being helped to cross British streets has plummeted since Friday.

SOMEONE has briefly changed the subject, it has been confirmed.

SUNDERLAND will become a gleaming, futuristic utopia because Britain is leaving the EU.

A RACIST nan who is fuelled entirely by hate has began her slow and unsteady journey to the polling station.

A BEAUTIFUL woman is to continue being annoying because everyone will still be nice to her.

A WOMAN who claims she didn’t even notice when she skipped a meal has made sure to tell everyone about it.