Society

EVERYONE on the bus into work today was writing a status update or tweet about another passenger, it has emerged.

A MAN is confident that having sex with a close female friend would be a sensible move for both parties.

A HUSBAND and wife from Yorkshire have been stuck on the London underground for more than two weeks.

A MAN who hand-washes his car every weekend believes there is something fundamentally wrong with his next-door neighbour, who does not.

THE thing women do to their faces which looks like a paint-by-numbers chessboard is called 'contouring', it has been confirmed.

LONDON property prices will plummet because all the rich twats are already there, experts have warned.

PLANS to extend the school day are George Osborne's revenge against some kids who called him 'peckerhead', it has emerged.

BRITAIN’S middle classes have said that getting disabled people’s money is nice but they would also like their parking spaces if possible.

A WOMAN posted a smug Facebook status update about her baby and then had to clean up its liquid shit, it has emerged.

A MAN has so many unsightly tattoos that the best option is to colour all of him in with blue-grey ink, a tattoo artist has decided.