Society

THE married friends of a recently divorced man are trying very hard to sound like they feel sorry for him, it has emerged.

FRIENDS of 28-year-old Julian Cook fear they have lost him forever after he embraced aspirational bullshit.

INTERNET users have been confused by a maths question from a children’s exam because they are as thick as shit.

A FATHER who was unable to attract women in his youth is having to advise his son about relationships, it has emerged.

BRITAIN’S rock climbers had a satisfying weekend of fear and physical discomfort, they have announced.

A VEGAN casually mentions her dietary preferences in roughly 50 per cent of the things she says, it has emerged.

A FATHER of two has sent shock waves through his family by showing a complex emotion.

PEOPLE who express themselves in plain, simple terms are invariably wrong, it has emerged.

BRITONS have confirmed that four days of work per week is the most they can be expected to cope with.

LONDON commuters delayed for hours by a fire on the tracks at Vauxhall are thrilled that there is a genuine reason for once.