Society

BRITONS are gearing up to paying no attention whatsoever to large bowls of nuts.

BAILIFFS have repossessed a graduate on the grounds that he will never earn enough to repay his student loan, it has emerged.

A SECRET Santa gift has terrified the recipient by being so thoughtfully chosen it suggests someone in the office knows the real her.

A WOMAN who works from home has found a great article on the internet about how to stop procrastinating.

A RECENTLY-DUMPED man plans to save money by giving his ex-girlfriend's gifts to family members.

A SERIAL complainer is hoping to find something wrong with a second-hand item purchased from the internet.

WOMEN both with and without make-up have confirmed that any man who tells them not to wear it can piss off.

AREAS of London are effectively no-go zones unless you know about specialist coffee, it has emerged.

BRITONS are coldly assessing the value of friends and relatives to decide what quality of Christmas card they should receive, it has emerged.

THE UK now has 36,402,339 different social classes, all of which can be detected and categorised in a face-to-face meeting in less than a minute.