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Science & Technology

Windows 95 buys Nokia 3210

GROUNDBREAKING operating system Windows 95 has bought the market-leading Nokia 3210 to create a technological juggernaut.

3D of no interest since Jaws 3-D

3D IMAGERY of any kind has not been exciting since the 1983 film Jaws 3-D, it has been confirmed.

Scientists discover normal person called Piers

RESEARCHERS have found a man called Piers who seems normal.

Most daydreams about something perverted

Good riddance, says Voyager 1

VOYAGER 1 has expressed relief at being rid of the human race, as it leaves our solar system.

Hyperloop 'not viable because of flatulence'

TRAVELLERS on a planned 'tubular transportation system' would be suffocated by human wind, it has been claimed.

Watch the meteor shower tonight, say triffids

TONIGHT'S meteor shower is essential viewing, according to carnivorous alien plants.

Dawkins momentarily forgets all religions are enemies of reason and progress

RICHARD Dawkins last night singled out one religion for being an enemy of human development and rational thought instead of every last one of them.

Do bacon next, scientists told

Edinburgh scientists to capture precise moment when performer's spirit breaks

SCIENTISTS are visiting Edinburgh to photograph the exact moment at which a festival performer's spirit breaks.