Science & Technology

DAVID Cameron is to reduce energy prices by giving every household a lump of radioactive material.

BUDGET supermarket Lidl has unveiled a tablet computer costing under thirteen pounds.

PEOPLE who oppose genetically modified rice are immoral, according to the world's largest sentient grain of rice.

THE 'cownut' is the latest advance in humanity's quest for doughnut variants.

ONE of Saturn's moons is a beach ball misplaced by a race of super-massive aliens.

LIGHT sabres will become a reality shortly after Star Wars has been completely ruined, it has emerged.

STUPID people are not transformed into geniuses by eating oily food, it has emerged.

THE inner voice of a man queueing for the new iPhone is telling him that he needs to get his shit together.

A WICKED leprechaun has cursed all of mankind's software updates to fail dismally.

FANS awaiting Apple's new operating system have lined up in their front rooms to be the first to download it.