Science & Technology

Dear Internet, no I haven't changed my mind about cookies in the last 72 hours

REMEMBER on Friday when I said I didn't want any cookies? Well I remember, and guess what?

Five panic responses when your contactless card gets declined

YOUR card has been rejected. Here’s how to claw back some fiscal dignity in the ensuing blind panic.

The six stages of having to print some f**king thing out

YOUR printer hates you but you need a hard copy of your boarding pass. These are the six stages of misery you’ll go through to get it.

13-year-old presented with mandatory earbuds to wear for next three years

A GIRL has celebrated her 13th birthday by receiving and inserting the earbuds she will wear continuously until she is 16.

Cornwall no wiser as to what space is

FOLLOWING the failed launch of a satellite mission from Cornwall, the people of the county are still oblivious as to what space is.

Hi, I'm your friend who describes memes

GIF: the black lady opens the door with a wide grin and a sashaying walk! Caption: It’s me! Your friend who describes memes!

It can be set to silent, and other reasons why your phone is better than your kids

YOUR Samsung does what you ask it to, while children are annoying, wilful little shits. Here are some other reasons to love your phone more.

Tiny jigsaw, spinning top, whistle: crap cracker toys ranked in order of crapness

FROM underwhelming bangs to flimsy crowns, crackers are toss. But worst of all is the failed promise of the toys, in order.

The secret world of middle-aged emojis: What your parents are really saying in their texts

AFTER identifying emojis used by teens to mean drugs or sex, police have published a shocking guide to what the middle-aged really mean when they use the symbols.

LED facemarks, and other dystopian skincare trends capitalism is selling you

NAIVELY believe mere cleansing, toning and moisturising will stop you wrinkling like a hag? Capitalism doesn’t. It needs you to buy into these trends.