Science & Technology

BRITAIN’S townsfolk have asked their sophisticated, city dwelling cousins to just shut up about Uber.

THE woolly mammoth has beaten off stiff competition to be crowned the hottest animal that no longer exists.

THE historical warship found in a mud bank is now just a plank, experts have warned.

AN IPHONE 6S has told its owner to be strong and carry on after its shitty battery gave out.

ROBOT vacuum cleaner company Roomba has unveiled a robot which shaves you while you sleep.

MOST of the computers, tablets and phones in Britain are emitting puns, all of which are hellish, it has emerged.

A PORN site has confirmed that iPhone owners are deeply submissive masochists who love pain, exactly as you would expect.

THE planet Mars is increasingly uneasy about the attention it is getting from humans.

THE attention span of the goldfish is now superior to that of humans.

SOME people have designed a car that will reach 1,000mph for absolutely no reason.