Science & Technology

THE government has decided that rural homes do not want broadband internet, electricity, water, sewerage or use of the road network.

THE discovery that the ginger gene contains the secret of youthful looks has united the world in rejection of this Faustian bargain.

BRITAIN is facing an epidemic of people hitting themselves in the face with their phones while lying in bed each morning.

SPACE is so incredibly boring, Tim Peake has confirmed.

A MAN is having problems expressing his sense that life is an empty shout in a meaningless, howling void using only emojis.

THE owner of a Smart car has admitted that the car he drives is overcompensation for his prodigious penis.

A MAN is teaching his new iPhone an extensive vocabulary of swear words.

THE NEW, tiny iPhone is naturally shy and avoids any contact with its owner, Apple has revealed.

A MAN has beaten a sophisticated artificial intelligence machine at drinking beer.

A 32-YEAR-OLD woman has confessed to close friends that she is completely GIF-illiterate.