Science & Technology

AN owner of last year's iPhone is already feeling shame, humiliation and actual physical pain every time he attempts to use it. 

PEOPLE with an absurd sense of entitlement will no longer be able to watch BBC iPlayer for free, the broadcaster has confirmed.

PEOPLE whose names begin with an A get pocket-called upwards of fifty times a day, it has emerged.

APPLE CEO Tim Cook has announced that next week’s iPhone 7 launch will not take place because the world does not deserve it.

ASTRONOMERS have confirmed the existence of semi-intelligent alien life with the discovery of an interstellar LinkedIn message.

FIRST-TIME buyers have been urged to start looking at buying property on Proxima B.

THE batteries in a television remote have seemingly been granted eternal life by a force greater than us.

THE computers in your local library are so old they were used by ancient Sumerian tribes some 4000 years ago.

PEOPLE whose tap water is going to burst into flames will be given a share of a biological warfare suit, the prime minister has confirmed.

ONE-THIRD of UK internet users have taken a break from the internet to remember how boring and inconvenient life used to be.