Science & Technology

SAUSAGES are far better than burgers, experts have confirmed.

MICK Jagger is responsible for 20 percent of all human births, say researchers.

A WORKER is insisting his colleagues use some annoying file-sharing app he has found, it has emerged.

PRESSING ‘alt-right’ on a computer keyboard makes a picture of a burning cross appear, it has emerged.

A PUB’S outdoor heater is only effective if you are standing within a half of centimetre of it, it has emerged.

OUR reality is just a dream in the mind of a nan who doesn’t like foreigners, it has been claimed.

THE public has hit out at the normal moon for its lack of effort after being wowed by the 'supermoon'.

ONCE-COOKED chips are perfectly fine, it has been confirmed.

A SKYPE chat became a bitter argument over whose shit internet connection kept making it break.

THE reliable, boring people who own Samsung phones are experiencing their most nearly-exciting day ever.