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Science & Technology

So-called 'smartphone' not smart enough to avoid being dropped in the bog

A TOP-OF-THE-RANGE smartphone was not smart enough to avoid being dropped in a nightclub toilet.

Synthetic DNA 'could create Brexiter who is not a bellend'

SCIENTISTS have created synthetic DNA that could lead to new life forms, including a Brexit supporter who is not an infuriating git.

Fog confirmed as most pointless weather type

FOG has been confirmed as the most pointless weather thing.

Middle aged man takes to Facebook like a duck to the M25

A MIDDLE aged man has taken to Facebook like a duck trying to waddle across the M25 during rush hour.

Leaving EU 'will give UK citizens powers of super-strength and invisibility'

LEAVING the EU will give all Britons the power to turn invisible and the strength to lift a car with one hand, according to a government report.

Crowdfund started to have Nigel Farage fired into the sun

OVER £100,000 has already been raised to strap Nigel Farage to a rocket bound for the centre of the sun.

Streaming explained to relatives for ninth time

A MAN has tried to explain the concept of streaming music and TV over the internet to his relatives nine times so far this Christmas.

Attenborough to make new planet

DAVID Attenborough has documented all aspects of our planet and is building a new one, it has been confirmed.

Sausages 'kick the shit' out of burgers

SAUSAGES are far better than burgers, experts have confirmed.

20 percent of all children are Mick Jagger's

MICK Jagger is responsible for 20 percent of all human births, say researchers.