Science & Technology

A PUB’S outdoor heater is only effective if you are standing within a half of centimetre of it, it has emerged.

OUR reality is just a dream in the mind of a nan who doesn’t like foreigners, it has been claimed.

THE public has hit out at the normal moon for its lack of effort after being wowed by the 'supermoon'.

ONCE-COOKED chips are perfectly fine, it has been confirmed.

A SKYPE chat became a bitter argument over whose shit internet connection kept making it break.

THE reliable, boring people who own Samsung phones are experiencing their most nearly-exciting day ever.

THE unrepentant owner of a Samsung Galaxy Note 7 has said he has lived by the phone and so is not afraid to die by it.

AN electrician has confessed to being absolutely awestruck by the previous electrician’s flawless installation of a bathroom extractor fan.

THE winners of the Nobel Prize in Physics have begun a lifetime of trying to explain their work to idiots.

A CAT’S ability to ‘sense’ complex emotions has been hugely overrated, it has emerged.