Science & Technology

SCIENTISTS are baffled by a man who has been smoking for over 40 years but still can't make a roll-up that doesn't look like a dog's hind leg.

THE political wizardry of Jeremy Corbyn is beyond the understanding of a mere genius physicist, his supporters have told Stephen Hawking.

THERE are always fewer Mini Eggs in a bag than even the lowest estimate, mathematicians have confirmed.

A woman has developed feelings for a device that is more attentive and useful than her boyfriend, it has emerged.

DELICATE little flowers who claim they are woken by the slightest thing have been instructed to get over themselves.

MIDDLE class people are using yoghurt as a type of sauce, it has emerged.

THE stupidly-named BT wi-fi thing that overrides your internet connection should burn in hell, it has been confirmed.

RIDERLESS bicycles free of dangerous knobheads in lycra will soon be a reality, scientists believe.

A TOP-OF-THE-RANGE smartphone was not smart enough to avoid being dropped in a nightclub toilet.

SCIENTISTS have created synthetic DNA that could lead to new life forms, including a Brexit supporter who is not an infuriating git.