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Colleague insists on using bollocks file-sharing thing

A WORKER is insisting his colleagues use some annoying file-sharing app he has found, it has emerged.

Martin Bishop has been sending documents and pictures via a program called ‘FilePing!’ that seems to offer no particular advantage over not using it at all.

Co-worker Donna Sheridan said: “Martin’s got this obsession with some obscure file-sharing program he thinks is cutting-edge, so we’ve all had to start using it.

“I had to go to a website, enter my details and download a thing which makes me dick around with zip files. Plus it keeps asking me if I want to upgrade to ‘FilePing! Pro’ which apparently costs ‘$4 per month’.

“What a fucking waste of time.”

Bishop said: “FilePing! offers cloud-based functionality in an enhanced security architecture with full data revertibility.

“I think the best feature is when people ask you what the weird thing on your screen is and you can impress them with how you are so good at technology that you’re basically from the future.

“Sometimes women inquire about it and then I offer to send them the link. Then they see me as some kind of master.”

Normal-sized rat spotted

A RAT that is ‘the size of a normal rat’ has been sighted.

Office worker Mary Fisher encountered the astonishingly standard rodent while cycling home in Bristol.

She said: “I was going along the canal path when this rat ran out in front of me. The first thing that struck me was that it was not unexpectedly large.

“Unlike all other rats, it was not the size of a cat, terrier or labrador, not it did exhibit signs of extreme bravery, aggression or intelligence.

“If you ate it, it probably wouldn’t even taste of chicken, it’d just taste of rat. It wasn’t even carrying anything weird in its mouth, like a snake for example.

“I think that if I met it in a dark alleyway at night, I’d just be like ‘oh there’s a rat’.”

The sighting follows another recent report from Wales of a rat that was fairly large but not surprisingly so.

Pest control expert Wayne Hayes said: “We could be seeing the evolution of a new species of ‘normal rat’.”

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