A WOMAN has been rushed to hospital after rereading ‘steamy’ messages only meant to be seen in the dead of night after too many glasses of wine.
Kelly Howard was innocently looking through an old chat for the name of a restaurant when she suddenly found herself face to face with hundreds of words of sexual, but deeply unsexy, prose.
Speaking from intensive care, Howard said: “The sexting was the result of a large quantity of gin and suddenly getting the urge to get back in touch with a ‘friend’ of mine.
“It felt saucy at the time but reading it all back on public transport yesterday, in broad daylight, was too much to bear. I felt sick, faint and likely to die of embarrassment, but luckily another passenger called an ambulance.
“I’m truly horrified by what I said about our respective genitalia and things I wanted to do. I’m not even sure what I meant by ‘spicy cock grinder’ and needless to say I don’t want to ‘hop into a bird bath filled with love muscle juice’.
“The doctors say I’ll be fine in a couple of days, but I’m to delete everything I saw as a precaution, especially the bit about spanking. Why did I say that? I’m not even into it.”
She added: “I think the thing causing me most pain at the moment is the misplaced apostrophes.”
