YOU don’t think your parent’s sex life for the sake of your sanity. Here are seven things you never wanted to know about it that might surprise you.
It exists
Strange, but true. After all, your parents are only human and have the natural biological urges that come along with that. This also means your grandparents must have made the beast with two backs on occasion, but you’re not ready to think about that yet.
They did it more than once
You’re alive, which means your parents bumped uglies at least once. And while you’ve convinced yourself it must have been a one and done deal, they’ve actually lost count of how many times they’ve succumbed to their lust. They’re probably doing it right now. Yikes.
They enjoy it
Sex is more than just a means to a reproductive end for your parents. It’s hard to believe, but their bodies feel the same euphoric sensations during intercourse that yours does. They’ve even experimented with different positions and copied things they saw on PornHub, the dirty dogs.
It’s more exciting than yours
Not because it’s especially kinky, even though it is. No, your parent’s sex life is more exciting because it’s built on a loving foundation. Meanwhile yours is built on messaging ‘hey’ to strangers on dating apps and hoping their self esteem is low enough that they’ll respond.
Toys are involved
Your parents have been vigorously going at it for decades, so it should be no surprise that they’ve resorted to toys to keep things exciting. If anything they should be commended for feigning surprise whenever a dildo appears on TV and asking you what it is. They know what they’re doing and they love to see how uncomfortable it makes you.
Sometimes it involves safe words
You know what safe words are and in which context they’re used. So do your parents, and sometimes they put this knowledge into action if they feel like spicing things up or it’s your dad’s birthday. You don’t want to know what their safe word is though, it’ll ruin the name of your childhood teddy bear forever.
Even mum likes it
Dad you can understand, but mum? You thought she was a massive prude who can barely cope with a kiss on Emmerdale. Dad must know what he’s doing down there and has probably honed his skills through hundreds of hours of devoted, strenuous lovemaking. Disgusting.
