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Man with way hotter girlfriend desperately asked how they met

A MAN whose girlfriend is much more attractive than him has been bombarded with desperate, probing questions about how on earth they met.

Tom Booker’s social circle has been asking how he met his stunning new girlfriend with a palpable sense of alarm because he is a relatively low-status individual in the attractiveness hierarchy.

Friend Martin Bishop said: “Hypnotism, it’s got to be hypnotism. Maybe if we say her trigger word she’ll snap out of it and realise her misfortune.

“Maybe she’s suffered a head injury recently? That would go some way to making sense of all this. Or perhaps Tom secretly won the lottery or rescued her from a burning building. Going out with Tom could be a coping mechanism for the mental trauma.”

Drinking buddy Joseph Turner said: “Like all the best mysteries and magic tricks, there’s probably a simple and obvious explanation. But I’m f**ked if I can figure it out.

“He could at least give us a hint. A time, a place, anything. Otherwise this is going to drive me nuts like a crossword clue. I’m happy for him and all, but come on, put us out of our misery. Is it blackmail?”

Booker’s girlfriend Ellie Shaw said: “My mates are asking me similar questions, but with an undertone of disgust instead of panic.”

Cool, edgy celebrities who'll be on Radio 2 by the time they're 50

RIGHT now they’re sexy, dangerous and beloved by the youth. In less than 30 years they’ll be exploiting it to appeal to a middle-aged Radio 2 audience.

Millie Bobby Brown, aged 20

The unquestioned star of Stranger Things is also in the Godzilla movies, not that you noticed. But as she ages, it’s glaringly obvious that youth was all she had and without it all that’s left is the Netflix generation’s nostalgic affection, easily weaponised with a Halloween Radio 2 special then a move to early breakfast. It’s a living. With a pension.

Paul Mescal, aged 28

The Hollywood movies stop. The British movie era begins, and ends. Leading man in ITV dramas isn’t bad until they sputter out. Making ironic appearances as yourself in sitcoms, complete with your Normal People chain, is painful. Radio 2 throws a lifeline, Paul grabs it gratefully, and now that lovely Kildare lilt is hosting phone-ins.

Lorde, aged 27

There’s always one: an Anglophone who ends up over here by marriage, career foundering, scanning around for options on our blighted isle wondering how it came to this. Lorde, hits long forgotten, Kiwi accent providing a nod to diversity, slips into the Jo Whiley slot as if once being considered a rival to Taylor Swift never happened.

Central Cee, aged 25

“We didn’t know it was a grime boom when it was on,” explains the man with the most-streamed rap song of 2023. But he surely realised when it was over, the kids had moved on and he was doing grime weekenders at Skegness Butlins. After that Radio 2’s Grime Hour is a great gig. Stormzy? Stormzy’s presenting The One Show.

Maisie Williams, aged 26

A career as an actor is tough when you’ve discovered too late that acting isn’t a field you have the skills for. You skipped GCSEs for Game of Thrones, and TV presenting just reminds the audience how old you are and therefore how old they are. Radio’s more forgiving. On Radio 2 you’re still young as you play Billie Eilish for hoovering mums.

Molly-Mae Hague and Tommy Fury, aged 24

At an unspecified point in the future, Instagram followers will stop being currency. Being related to a famous boxer will no longer be lucrative and it’ll seem odd that it ever was. But Drivetime with Molly-Mae and Tommy? They’re like family members you don’t exactly like but tolerate. And so a single summer of Love Island fame lasts a lifetime.

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