AFTER a chaotic Bank Holiday weekend, Euston was at a standstill again yesterday. But Network Rail keeps urging us to have family days out by train, so here are some great places you won’t get to.
Sea Life Brighton
The stunning array of aquatic creatures includes sharks, turtles and octopuses. You won’t be seeing them because you’ll be stuck on the concourse at Euston, but there’s no need to miss out on interesting wildlife. Take your kids outside to look at the manky pigeons and homeless people’s dogs. It’s Euston’s very own rich natural fauna.
Windsor Castle
Founded by William the Conqueror in the 11th century, Windsor Castle is not only historically important but contains fascinating exhibits such as Queen Mary’s Dolls’ House from 1921. However there’s no chance you’ll get there, so enjoy the history of Euston instead. It was completed in 1837, and since then has seen many historic changes, such as new platforms and the opening of M&S Simply Food in the year 2018. Dale Winton, Derek Acorah and Meat Loaf were all still alive then. It was a different time.
Stonehenge
What significance did Stonehenge have for the ancient druids? Could the stone circle have magical or dimension-shifting powers due to primordial Earth energy from nearby ley lines? Ponder these ancient mysteries as you take the English Heritage 3D virtual Stonehenge tour on your phone while standing outside Burger King in Euston.
The Bell Inn
This historic pub in Moreton-in-Marsh was frequented by JRR Tolkien and was the inspiration for The Prancing Pony where Frodo, Sam and the other two meet Strider and begin their quest. You won’t be bumping into Aragorn though, because if you’re in a hostelry it will be one of the shithole transit pubs at Euston. Try to maintain the magic of Middle Earth by telling your kids that any passing shortarses are hobbits.
Alton Towers
You might get one of the few trains leaving Euston and think you’re going to Britain’s best-loved amusement park. Five minutes into the journey they’ll announce the entire network is in fact stuffed and you’re terminating at Swindon. Still, you’re stuck in your seat and it’s too late to get off, just like the Nemesis Reborn rollercoaster! Except the ride is somewhat less exciting.
Birmingham Science Museum
Birmingham is no distance from Euston if you have modern, functioning trains, which Britain increasingly does not. However if you had gone there you’d be able to see technological breakthroughs ranging from steam engines to talking robots. But don’t despair – Euston Station is also a marvel of technology. Look how clear the massive HD screens announcing the cancellations are, and enjoy the superb picture quality of the adverts for rail services, although by now you never want to see another train in your f**king life.
Camber Sands
The sand dunes are not just good for a stroll, they have a fascinating pop culture history as locations for everything from the 1958 John Mills film Dunkirk to episodes of Doctor Who. Luckily Euston, where you currently are, has its own TV and film history, most notably that many scenes from the Harry Potter films were shot in locations nearby. It’s just a shame you can’t think of the boy wizard these days without also imagining pictures of creepy sex offenders posted by obsessive TERFs. But try not to let it ruin a great day out at Euston!
