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Man whose girlfriend gave up cheese 'needs to think about his options'

A MAN whose girlfriend has announced she will no longer be eating cheese is having a long hard think about their relationship.

Nathan Muir, 31, who has been with girlfriend Nikki Hollis for three years, declared himself ‘devastated’ by her decision, and says he feels she has become a stranger to him.

Muir said: “When she gave up sugar I could handle it, and I was even prepared to be understanding about her not drinking during the week, but cheese is sacred.

“Whilst Nikki has many excellent qualities she is, like all of us, at her very best when holding a small cracker that is falling to pieces under the weight of a massive lump of Cheddar.

“Hopefully it’s just a phase because if I look to the future and imagine her forever holding just a miserable stick of celery and a tub of hummus I can feel my love for her melting away like a wheel of Brie left in the sun.”

Hollis said: “How do I break it to Nathan that last week I ate some Dairylea with his best friend Simon?

“It was quick and dirty, but damn, it was good.”

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Stop being so tediously polite

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Use your Twitter hatred

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Realise you already have rioting skills

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