Lifestyle

I'm a selfish idiot who got a lockdown pet: what the f**k do I do with it now?

ARE you a twat whose comforting lockdown animal companion is proving an inconvenience now life’s back to normal?

Shit car accessories through the decades

IF YOU had a car in the last 40 years, you bought this shit and believed it a good idea.

Is your garden sufficiently middle class?

IS your garden middle-class enough to impress and intimidate your neighbours? Find out in our quiz:

Taking out the rubbish and other things that make you wish you were f**king rich

THERE are some things in life you wish you were loaded enough to pay someone else to deal with. These will make you angry you're not a millionaire.

'Did I lock the door?' and five other things to be paranoid about all day

LIFE is a never-ending trauma of worry and paranoia. Here are some things that will eat away at you all day long. Enjoy thinking about them.

Five things you'll take on holiday but never f**king use

HOLIDAYS are tedious exercises in over-preparation that cost you a fortune. Here are five items you pack every year and never f**king touch.

Running the hoover round before the cleaner arrives, and other pointless female obsessions

WOMEN identify all sorts of essential tasks mere men simply cannot grasp the point of. Here are five prime examples.

The five things you break down and buy in a fit of madness at IKEA

Going to IKEA? You’ll end up leaving with nothing that you came for and a heap of junk you don't need. Here are five big offenders.

Check-in 10pm, check-out 4am and other unreasonable rules of your holiday accommodation

FINDING a holiday home these days is a massive faff, involving more inconvenient rules than ever, like these...

Middle-class family still in wetsuits two weeks after holiday

A MIDDLE-CLASS family who returned from Cornwall a fortnight ago are still all wearing wetsuits, friends have confirmed.