Lifestyle

INSULTING people is too complicated these days, what with irritating epithets such as 'cockwomble'. Here are some old classics:

ME? I’m the guy in earbuds. All day every day, from the train to the coffeeshop to the office, through every conversation. Because I’m a dick, that’s why.

A DOG is man’s best friend and his greatest burden. This is how your pet will ruin you.

A CUDDLY, playful kitten is already displaying the character traits of the savage, vengeful bastard it will be as an adult, his new owner has reported.

TALKING about the meaning of life? You must be stoned. Here are the other meandering chats you have when you're high as balls.

SOCIETY expects women to look a certain way, but blokes have beauty standards to live up to as well, such as these bare minimum requirements:

FOR KIDS, birthdays are an exciting occasion of cakes and presents. But once you’re an adult they’re nothing more than a new high number to celebrate in these dull ways.

WITH the weather starting to turn as autumn arrives, all British gardens are now clogged up with pointless summer shit.

MOTHERS hold families together, but even they have secret terrors that stalk their very nightmares. These things scare them shitless.

KIDS in the 1970s faced death-defying risks on a daily basis, and the survivors don’t like to talk about it. Here are six hazards they shrugged off.